Can One Word Change Your Relationship?

How a secret language can enhance your relationship.

A secret language is much more than just words. Photo by Assael Romanelli.

Key points

• Tense conversations can be tricky and lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
• When in public, sticky conversations become even more challenging.
• The solution is to create a secret language that only you two understand.
• A secret language adds play, prevents escalations, repairs ruptures, and deepens intimacy and empathy.

Co-authored with Galit Romanelli, M.A.

It was April 21, 2010. Our first date.
Right off the bat, Galit said to me, “If this doesn’t work out between us, let’s break up over the phone. There’s no need to meet again just to say “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I responded mischievously, “OK. You know what? Let’s skip the phone and just text: ‘It’s over.’”

She smiled and went along with it. “You know what? Let’s just text the word ‘cheesecake’ and that’s it, we’re done.”

We laughed and shook hands.

Since then, we’ve never had to use our private “cheesecake” code word.

Have you ever wanted to share something with your loved one but felt uncomfortable doing so? Maybe…