Lately I find myself questioning – was everything that happened between us were just casual ? Oh you know the late night calls till the morning, the daily updates we sent to each other when we’re far. Was it just casual when we both felt the tension whenever we’re next to each other in the back of the car? Yet again I’m answering my own question; it was casual, to you at least.

In my previous article titled My Almost I have mentioned that getting over someone we’ve never dated hurts more than someone we were in a relationship with. It’s true. It does hurt more because we will always have to question our worth because they didn’t choose us. We will always cling to all the possibilities of us actually being with them.

“ you are special to me, no one else ”

Cold water feels warm when you’re freezing

Thus we accept what we think is love, we thrive from the bare minimums. Love is like gambling; some will win after a few bets, and some, they’ll be paying the losing price from constantly convincing themselves “ I’ll win this time “ and proceeds losing every time.

“ Why do I look like this. Why do I act like this.“

We don’t have to beg for the love you deserve. We don’t have to settle as somebody’s “maybe“. In order for healing to happen, feel everything that needs to be felt. Grief doesn’t become smaller with time, instead we grow around it making it seem so small that we wonder how we once thought we couldn’t get through that phase.

“ Will the world be any different if I’m no longer here ? “

“ The world won’t shift, but my world will definitely be dissimilar if you’re no longer here “

Living is both a blessing and a curse, some may agree. Once in a while I feel envious of the people that make living a doable thing. Nonetheless, nobody knows about our life more than ourselves. What we see is just what they allow us to see.

We are often controlled by our emotions leading us to believing that we don’t matter – that we don’t belong here, that we should just stop taking up space in this universe. However we are so much more than what the word burden define. A stranger might remember you as “ the person who held open the door “ for them, or your little cousin looking at you with pure amazement wanting to be like you when they grow up. You see, we will never escape the bad thoughts we have about ourselves, but know that we are somebody. Know that we made a difference to someone’s life just by being in it, whether it’s just a minor difference, it still won’t be the same anymore after you.

So I’d say let’s live. Even though we wouldn’t want to last another day on this earth, let’s live today. Give yourself a chance and hold on for another day, every day. At the end of the day, you deserve to be proud of yourself for surviving. Love hard and spread kindness because tomorrow isn’t promised. Human dies but love will always remain. You’ve survived through the days where you didn’t think you would back then, don’t limit yourself to what you’re capable of.

The world is lucky to have someone like you in it.

“ I’m here for you “

“ I want to know what has been bothering you “

“ You’re overthinking. Everything will be okay “

I never hold myself back from being there for anyone who needs companies yet I detach myself whenever I start to feel any melancholic feeling, however I do need someone like me when it’s just one of those moments. I figured, maybe I don’t love myself. Or that I don’t love myself the way I needed to be loved. Of course, I feed myself, I give rest to myself, but these are basic human necessities. For myself to be presentable to others is enough for me – thus I be oblivious to my needs of deep connection, as in the one I would run to when badly needed.

Although a lot of people are also like this, we shouldn’t stay inside of that bubble. We need ourselves more than we ever need anyone else. Forgiving ourselves would heal each and every single one of our deepest wounds that aren’t visible to any other individuals. Hurting wounds that are healing is much greater than the wounds that are closed yet bleeds every time it is touched.

You matter too, as much as it’s hard to accept yourself the way you are, just be there for you too as you would for others.

Have you ever been in a situation where it hurts you to not know about something, or even everything?

To make matters worse, I always, and I say always, find ways to know about something I’m curious about. And so, like the saying goes, curiosity kills the cat. I get hurt after knowing, it’s somewhat a constant loop that I’ve never gotten out of.

Being an overthinker can be difficult especially if you’re doing it all on your own. Most of the time it’ll lead to jumping into conclusions that aren’t always correct.

Occasionally, not knowing everything helps us to protect our peace. People talking bad about you? Let them. Your friend actually hates you? Let them. It does hurt, but it doesn’t have to go that deep if you don’t dig it out until the root.

The peace of not knowing everything was originally published in The Quantastic Journal on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

A writer is defined as ‘ a person who has written something or who writes in a particular way.’

Falling in love at first sight is wonderful, no doubt, but a writer falls in love again and again. That is why poetries are beautiful, it’s a perspective of love from what the whole world doesn’t know of.

A writer’s love is immortal

And of course, nobody else understands a poetry better than the poet, but if you could only see things from the eyes of a writer, you’d be amazed by how small of a detail means eminently to them.

If you ever feel unworthy or are maybe in doubts about yourself, know that you may be someone’s idea of writing, how someone may look at you like a tulip in a rose garden- you standout from the others.

“ Communication is the key “ they say. But I think communication AND comprehension are both essential towards understanding

So to the the people who disappears as their coping mechanism, give yourself a chance to be understood.

I grew up in a rectangle room called home. Funny how it never once felt like whatever home should feel like, ever since I can recall my memories.

“ If you grew up in an angry household, you’ll always be an angry child “

Cause my love is mine all mine- Mitski

“ Home is a shelter from storms “ they say, so if the storms come from within, where do one hide from it ?

almost is never enough

Is there really a right person that comes to our life on the wrong timing ? If they’re the right person won’t all time be the right time ?

Personally I think the phrase right person wrong timing is just a phrase used to make people like me, feel better to let someone go.

Think of it like this, if they’re the right person, won’t they come specifically in the right timing? And if some people say, “ maybe we’ll meet again when the time is right “ doesn’t that denote the fact that the person isn’t really the right person ?

I know, I too have read multiple real life stories involving ending up with the same person you let go years ago. But that only means when they meet again, that current person they have become is the right one, not the one who they had to let go before.

It’s a scary thing I admit, to let go of a person you’d want to keep for long, but it would be even scarier to be watering dead flowers because you still love it.

If you love a flower, don’t pluck it, simply adore it how it is

You can’t make someone love you by loving them hard enough