And today, I have everything I had always wished for,
Every possible thing I never thought I could have,
I have it all.
They call it bliss.
I’d be selfish if I didn’t accept that.
But is it bad,
that on a summer noon, I’d sit on the corner of a sofa,
as sun rays hit on my face gently,
and I think of you, have a tiny smile,
reminisce, wonder, and realize,
there is a teeny tiny part of me,
that misses you,
I know I can’t have you,
I know I have everything I need,
And that I can’t have it all,
and very much aware from the very beginning,
You are a luxury, I can’t afford to hold on to,
Forever.

But yes,
a teeny part of me still seeks you,
curled up within a netted nest,
cozying self to cuddles
where your embraces have once been.

Heaping a sigh,
Hoping you feel the same way too.

To the man, I wished to be mine,
but knew I can’t have.

When Contentment Meets Nostalgia was originally published in Rainbow Salad on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

And then they ask me
What am I most afraid of?
Why I don’t let love in?
And I say,
Love has entered and walked out
of my life
so many times
than I can remember.
That when Love happens again
I wait for its exit date.
And prepare myself for it every day
so it doesn’t hurt much,
when it happens.

While you are busy living,
I’m busy preparing myself for The ending.
An ending that may never have happened
If I hadn’t manifested it all along.

And then they ask me,
“Why I don’t let love in?”

To the Love I Never Gave was originally published in Rainbow Salad on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Is only drawing a beautiful scenery with brilliant shades of hues – art?
Is doing scintillating strikes through feathery brushes to create a flamboyant piece – art?
Do I have to be Van Gogh to call what I create – “art”?
Sadly even Van Gogh wasn’t alive to realise the immense beauty and massive welcome his art was going to bring to the world.

So what exactly is art?
We are people of varied sorts with our own lenses, we look at the same thing and still feel differently about that one exact thing.

For me, art isn’t just those beautiful sceneries or mind-blowing landscapes. They ofcourse are. But that isn’t it the end of it. It is a huge abstract world.
“What is a mere text to you,
Is poetry for me.
What is a mere line to you,
Is an allegory for me.”

At the end of a tiring day, when I desperately look for a person or a space to let out those overwhelming thoughts, but hardly can find words to portray those emotions, a pen helps, a blank white paper and a few sketch pens that dance along those pages in perfect synchrony, with lines flowing all over like thoughts flying around in directions, spirals that swirl around signifying mind-boggling confusions, dense scribbles that denote the hidden anguish, that moment I know “A pen and paper allows infinite space to pour out your thoughts and emotions than a person ever would.”

It’s an encrypted form of diary.
we may look at the same thing,
but we definitely aren’t reading the same thing out of it.
Coz you don’t see, what I see,
You don’t feel, what I felt.
And that’s precisely what I like about it.
The anonymity.
The self-made allegory.

I don’t make art for others,
I make it for myself,
I don’t create it so you can look at it and say “Oh wow, that is so good”
I create so I can look at it one day and say, “Mmm… I remember that day, one hella day, and I still got through it.”

And isn’t that the very definition of art?
To see the same thing,
But decipher it with our own meanings, basis our perspective.
Because Perception-
is the only reality.

I’m just a normal next-door girl, trying to explore different medium to express myself, through poetry, through art (so-called), through whatever

Not because I have created a masterpiece.
But because I have created a mess.
A mess that is beautiful only to my eyes :)

Created by Author using Procreate

What are friendships for?

But do all friendships come with that kind of warranty card or some do have an expiry period?

They have seen you when you believed life is all rainbows and unicorns. And when you met the first wrong person of your life, made mistakes life meant you to, fell terribly, they stood next to you, picking you whenever you dropped who you are, warned you when you were gonna make your further mistakes, watched you go through trauma you never even knew you signed up for, struggle your way through as you come out of it, and even knew till date, whether you have successfully come out of it, healed or living a good pretence.

But no matter what, they stay by your side, be it when you were a villian in someone’s story, or victim in someone else’s.

And time to time pointed you, your shortcomings, flaws, things you need to work upon, fine-tune so you could live a peaceful life, where you could go ahead and make new mistakes, not repeat old one. JK!

That kinda friendship is gold, it stays no matter what. One day when you leave everything and just wanna settle in some distant land with a dog and just you, they will still climb the bloody damn mountain and sit next to you. (this is when you think of the scene when Red found his way to Andy in Shawshank Redemption)

But the question is — Is it even fair to expect that kind of bond from a young, newly blossomed friendship?

It is never a one formula fits all. Sometimes a new friendship blossoms out of a suddenly found out commonality, you enjoyed conversations, had laughters, shared moments over samosa and chai, exchanged funny stories, faux pas, and over a period, when you travel months and a year or so with them, with the gained comfort, trust deepens too, you share painful stories kept within, you find comfort in each other’s words, empathize, know there is more beyond those smiles and laughters, sometimes you are ready to share, and sometimes you are not. But it goes the way it goes, “It flows, the way it flows”

But do all friendships come with that ready made bond and readiness to bear the burden of being your shoulder forever and ever?

Some friendships lend ears ready to hear anything
Some give shoulders for you to lean upon anytime
And Some give hands that you can hold on and
walk together till your paths diverge.

It comes in all shapes, versions, you could / couldn’t imagine, but you can’t ask for what you want in what isn’t necessarily capacitated with giving that.

And no matter how beautiful it seems, sometimes, some friendships come to an end. They don’t last forever and you can’t even find a logical answer to it. It is what it is. It could be timing, vibe, changed priorities, past fears, intractable tussles, you can’t put a finger to it.

One day it is honey, yet another day it becomes poison, engulfing the both of you like an insect stuck to pitcher plant.
And what was healing you so far, suddenly becomes the very thing that consumes you.

And it reaches an impasse.
Sometimes once, Sometimes multiple times, and when you fail to catch this impasse in its first few glances, it hits a deadend, a cul-de-sac.
And when it happens,
You have no other choice but to let that friendship go,
to let it walk away.

“When Love enters you welcome it with a smile, &
When it wants to walk out, You don’t fight it,
You just respectfully open the door with the same smile
And let it walk away.
You let it flow even if it’s in a direction away from you.

May be it will revisit with a different face in a different phase.
Or May be it never will.

But hey,
Guess what?
It was fun, while it lasted!
Wasn’t it?

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And of course there were days, I was clueless about what to write..
 — Chronologically describing events that happened in that day, but wondered if there is a point to it?
— Attempt “Journalling Reflective Prompts” which journal pages, sites offer to have some direction?
 — Write about my feelings, emotions, mood, any challenges I had faced that day?

Monthly Journal Cover — I take a page, add month, calendar, make some rough sketch/ designs inspired by “Pinterest Monthly Journal Cover Ideas”, add colors, stickers, new tabs if I wish any, etc. It kinda gives a purpose, excitement & motivation for that month.

Mood Tracker — I gather “Mood Tracker design ideas” from Pinterest, or simply make a simple calendar design, and I sketch that date basis how I felt that day. I made my own definitions for moods & colors —

Pink — Happy, Green — Calmness, Red- Angry/Sad, Orange — Tired, Purple — Anxious, Grey- Nothing to define.

You can also read more about “Mood Tracker” in my article here.

How Journalling helped me process Life one day at a time —

• As an anxious person, pretty often, dealing with tough situations created a sense of panic, with little control over my feelings and emotions. A structured habit like journalling allowed me to reflect on challenging days I had crossed few months back, and how I still embraced and got through them and eventually found peace and joy. It was a physical reminder “After every storm, there is a calm”, and I just need to hang in there and keep going.
• 30 days of reflection — At the end of each month, there was a sense of idea of how the whole month went, instead of riding in dark, it was walking with little light, that allowed me to reflect back and understand how it was overall — Tiring, Exciting, Month of challenges, month where i found my new built resilence, it brought meaning to my journey.
• The more you delve into something, the more you understand about it, and wanna experiment in it. To my existing elements, I then added new things like — Reading Tracker, Meditation Tracker, Relationship Zone etc. to capture my life at best possible way. (Will cover about Relationship Zone in another article, but it is abt healthy status of a relationship).

How did I make it more fun?

Journalling is easy. But there is nothing more intimidating like a blank white paper absolutely staring at you, asking you -“What are you even gonna fill me with” and have no answer to it. So to make it little fun and it make the journal aesthetically appealing — I draw doodles, add sketch colors, stickers, washi tapes. Search “Doodle Ideas for Journalling” if you are stuck like I was.

Upon making all this, I realised, I don’t just journal because sitting at a cozy corner at the end of day has it’s own beauty, but because I have made this whole process engaging for my self , by adding elements I liked, that I now enjoy this activity instead of seeing it as a chore.

1. First get a cute journal for yourself — You can get it from , Instagram pages, stores near you, anywhere.
2. You could start with Monthly Cover. Say you pick “July”, make a journal cover page for July and draw everything you wish for. Some ideas .
3. Like I said, blank pages are little scary to start with, so first start making doodles as you like. Search “Easy Doodle ideas” in Pinterest. You can add a term like + Travel, Cartoon, Girl, Hobby, Movie etc to get doodle in specific themes. Draw these doodles in random corners of your journal pages. You can find
4. Use sketches to color the doodles as you like
5. That’s it. You are half done. Now all you have to do is pick a song, play in headset, find your cozy corner and get into your own world, write whatever comes to your mind, even if it is just 2 lines that you want to write.
6. If you need ideas on what to write about, google “Journal Reflection prompt ideas” and pick any topic you want and write on it. My personal favorite is

There are some bad days in life when you feel alienated from everyone, every being, entire world & beyond. On those days, at least you should feel home with yourselves. And that’s the kind of beautiful experience Journalling would give you!

The Question is “Are you ready to Receive?”

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Remember you never are born as a right person, it is a messy yet wonderful journey of being a wrong person for the right one, or right person for the wrong one, getting hurt, facing reality, dealing with some ugly sh*t, wishing you never met a certain someone, letting the things that impacted you slowly change you, absorb, reflect and realize life as it happens to you and slowly in that topsy turvy turn you find who you are and slowly finetune and become a personality which becomes the “You”, you’ve always been wanting. Becoming “The right person” for someone at the “Right timing”

So Restrict Not, For this period shall Return Not.

Nahh!! I don’t think so!!

So why don’t you may be “Live a Little?”

And just like the petals I place

between the wrinkled pages of

my vintage dairy

I’ll place you between the pages of my life

Where no one can see you

But eternally you’ll stay for my eyes

In the most beautiful of forms.

-Instagram: @poet.without.a.pen

Pause,
for the world is one place
that doesnt let you stop

Pause,
for you will otherwise miss
the beauty of this human life and the whole of universe

Pause,
for you will one day miss to reminisce the little joys of life
and moments that you once cherished.

Pause,
for one day when you stop to look around
there wouldn’t be many left to even wave a “Hi”

Pause,
for one day before you know, you will just become
another subconscious program whose algorithm was
written by someone else

Pause,
so you can close your eyes, observe, accept, embrace
the beauty of inside as much as the outside
and treasure before you forget the whole of your soul.

Pause,
for otherwise you will even forget
how to breathe one day!!

Pause!!!
Before it’s too late.
for otherwise you will just accept life as an empty fate.
While there is infinite time and
innumerable memories left for you to create!!!

Pause!!
Will you?

Remember the first day you grabbed a pen
to scribble something.
Remember the time when it turned
into something beautiful.
When you fell in love with it for the first time and
decided to take it for lifetime.

Some days it’s a poem,
Some days it’s just a blank paper,
But every time ink kissed the paper,
Art was born.

It healed you,
It made you love more,
to accept who you are,
to live life every step of the way,
and reminded you of your worth.

It’s like a life-long friend,
A shoulder to lean upon &
arms to be embraced in
For when it gets dark and gloomy,
silent and bluey,
You will always have “this” to go back to.

Writing is meditating,
I stitch words,
As you take breaths!

If you like this post, you might also like my poem on — 
· You Happened To me
· When I met Poetry for the first ever time

About above Pic — The right side was written long back when I was slowly coming out of trauma and started to trust the world due to the immense faith given by my partner, when my insecurity slowly took a backseat and I started feeling belonged. Left side — Couple of micropoetries I had written when I felt too happily lost in love. I had put them all together for this junk journal along with dried flowers, sticker, brown papers and coffee stained page. You can find all my poems in

About above Pic — Things were going in opposite direction from what I had wanted that day and I had a bitter sense of feeling travelling inside which was consuming me intensely. I didnt want it to get to me. So, I started distracting myself by focussing on what I could do on those days to comfort me and coupled it with these cute cat stickers I got . At the end of the process, I loved how the journal page turned out & was glad, atleast, something made me happy that day.

About above pic: Whenever I leave Chennai, my niece gives me a piece of drawing and somehow they were getting mixed and lost with other items. I knew how much efforts goes into making these cute stuffs and how much these pieces mean, when we look back few years later. To make them a permanent part of my life, I added them to my journal and coupled it with a quote (which I believe in) along with stickers, washi tapes. I’m sure my niece will love it when she sees it.

About above pic: It was initial days of junk journal, so I was still figuring out how to put things together. I took a newspaper clip,washi tapes, a beautiful line I saw in IG, and based it with some rose petals. Somehow I was so proud when I made this page then.

Junk Journalling! Trust me! It’s everything except Junk !!