Alcohol is the reason for my mom’s tears.

Why am I saying that alcohol is the reason for my mom’s tears?

Because it ruined my childhood, alcohol caused my mom, my sister, and me to face insults, poverty, and abuse. Because of this, my mom faced violence and abuse. Because of alcohol, we experienced things that a person should not have to face in their life.

My dad was an alcoholic. He was addicted to alcohol. His addiction ruined my family.

My mom says many times that she never gets happiness after her marriage. My mom is a fighter.She understands that my father is so addicted to alcohol that he forgets his children and his responsibilities. She went outside to work. She works hard so that my sister and I get proper education, food, and clothes.Before 2020, my mom decided to stay away from my dad. So, my mom, my sister, and I live together. My dad lived in my aunt’s house. My mom never took a divorce from my dad; she didn’t even think about it.

Because in Indian society, “divorce is a curse.” Even if women or men are in pain living together, they cannot take a divorce.

My relatives said that staying away is not the right decision. But they were not understanding or do not want to understand what kind of pain my mom is facing.

My mom gave my dad many chances to stop his alcohol addiction, but he always failed. He broke our trust many times.

A few days ago, my mom received a call from my aunt. She said that my dad was in the hospital.My mom and my grandmother (my mom’s mom) went to the hospital. The doctor said that the cough had settled in my dad’s lungs. He couldn’t move his body, and a nerve was blocked.My mom told us about Dad’s condition. My sister started crying, but I became the cold-hearted person. I did not feel sad for my dad. My sister also went to the hospital to meet my dad.In one night, my mom made a video call because my dad wanted to see my face. He wanted to say something to me, but the oxygen pipe was in his mouth, so he couldn’t speak. He just watched me and started crying.This is the first time I pray for my dad. I want him to get better.My mom got tired of going to the hospital every day. She has said many times that she wants my dad to die. But I think it’s not her fault. My mom is getting old. She has always played her and my father’s roles throughout her life. She is not physically or mentally strong enough to go to the hospital every day.

On 12 September 2024, my father was moved from a normal bed to the ICU. On 13 September 2024, my aunt called my mom to say that my dad had died. My uncle told us that in the ICU, my father’s heartbeat was gone. The doctor gave my dad many shocks to restore his heartbeat, but nothing happened, and he died.

My mom told us about my father’s death. My sister started crying, but I remained silent because I didn’t understand what was happening.I said many times to my mom that I would not cry at my dad’s death because I just hated him.However, when my uncle was taking out my dad’s body and I saw his face, I don’t know why I cried. This was the first time I cried in front of many people.And when you are born into Hindi culture, you probably can’t cry because there are many duties that the family must perform. Again, my throat and eyes start to ache. I’m controlling my emotions because I have to perform rituals for my father’s death.On 13th September, heavy rain occurred. Everyone got wet when we entered the crematorium. I could only see my dad’s dead body burning.

Papa, wherever you are, stay happy. I wish you had chosen family over alcohol. Love you, Dad.

Thank you for reading about my life.